Urban's Laws

Urban’s Laws

I was asked months ago to write down the hundred fifty or so laws that I have come up with over the years, so I am doing so now.

1. Never think while you drink
2. If you think while you drink, you will get into trouble
3. If you get into trouble because of Law number one, you can and will break out in handcuffs
4. Never sleep with someone crazier than you are.
5. Love is fleeting, Lust is forever
   
6. Ignore the fanatics.
7. Fight for a cause.
8. Seek balance in mind, body and spirit.
9. Never allow a woman to come before friends and family.
10. Always call your mother at least once a month
11. Remember your anniversary
12. Never hit a woman, even if she deserves it, otherwise you are not a man
13. Never break a law, but bending it is an option.
14. Do not steal.
15. Do not lie.
16. Do not cheat.
17. Do not betray
18. Finish what you start
19. Might is right
20. Kill only what you can eat.
21. Enjoy life, because not everyone is reincarnated
22. Face your fears, and they will fade away.
23. Be a firm but loving parent.
24. Do not be afraid to punish.
25. Do not be afraid to be punished.
26. If you do wrong, atone for your crime.
27. Do not be afraid to learn.
28. Never allow others dictate your life.
29. Depression can be overcome.
30. Refuse unlawful orders.
31. Do what is right.
32. Never forget your children.
33. Never forget yourself.
34. Never allow yourself to be cheated by another.
35. Death is a fact of life.
36. Love like there is no tomorrow.
37. One night stands should only be one night stands.
38. Sex is only enjoyable if there are more than one.
    
39. Be as loyal to your friends, as they are to you.
40. Never think with the wrong head.
41. Never eat to excess.
42. Never drink to excess.
43. Be true to your word.
    
44. Always tell the truth, for it can be crueler than any lie.
45. Live for Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Lust.
46. Balance mind, body and soul.
47. Do not let others tell you that you are wrong, if you know you are right.
48. Love your Country.
49. Love your Children.
50. Cherish Knowledge.
51. Do not allow bias control your life.
52. Believe in yourself, otherwise you are a fraud.
53. No Love is equal to another, yet lust always is.
54. Honor thy parents
55. Do not trust your Siblings, for they will betray you.
56. Never start a fight, but always finish it.
57. If you cannot win a fight, make damn sure the other knows he has been in one.
58. Never betray a friend.
59. Show Compassion as needed, but do not let it belittle you.
60. If one asks you for something, be as charitable as you can afford.
61. Try to be kind to others, and it shall be returned to you
    
62. Never turn the other cheek, for you have two bruises.
63. Suffer the Christians, for they mean well.
64. Weakness shall not be shown.
65. Never trust your government.
66. Be the Mountain, for you can never break.
67. The end of the Beginning is not the beginning of the end.
    
68. Never cry in public, for it is weakness.
69. Faith Manages.
70. Money doesn't buy happiness but it sure does help.
    
71. Understanding is a double edged sword.
72. Never fear the unknown.
73. If you think you know god, then you better guess again.
    
74. Never fear the truth.
75. Never rob Paul, to pay Peter, because Paul gets pissy.
76. Follow the path of Life, for it will eventually lead you to death., and at the pace you set.
    
77. Forgive your sibling, but never let him forget.
78. Make your own destiny.
79. Pride can destroy you.
80. Ignore Murphy’s Law.
81. Never put off what has to be done by tomorrow.
82. If you cannot afford it, do not buy it.
83. Trust yourself to make the right decisions.
84. Love yourself, for only then can you love another.
85. Drugs cloud the mind, and poison the body.
86. There is always too much of a good thing.
87. The DM is always right.
88. If by chance the DM is wrong, refer to law 74.
89. Exes always become whores.
90. Appreciate what you have, not what you want.
91. Show mercy.
92. Humility is another name for cowardice.
93. Try to be a warrior-poet.
94. Never drink and drive.
95. Never allow yourself Delusions of Grandeur
96. Never allow a rumor to grow into a false truth.
97. If you fall, pick yourself up.
98. When you hit rock bottom, the only way is up.
99. Failure is a stair to success.
100. Follow your principles, unless they make you weak.
101. Do not be afraid to die.
102. Change for the better is always good.
     
103. Never trust a doctor, always get a second opinion.
104. Strength comes from within.
105. Pain makes you stronger.
106. Hate as little as possible.
107. Never allow a violator of women and children to live.
108. Destroy injustice.
109. Never pay a debt that is not owed by you.
110. If you are turned down, there are more in the vast ocean of life.
111. Be persistent.
112. Being meek will cause you to be stepped on.
113. Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me.
114. Never reflect on what is lost, for you will never find it.
115. You will never find what you are looking for, until you look for something else.
116. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you look down.
117. Never be pecked by an old hen.
118. Nagging gets you nowhere.
119. Face reality, but don’t let it destroy you.
120. A beautiful woman is trouble.
121. Never date a three dollar whore, for you will get a gift you do not want.
122. Never believe yourself to be ten-foot tall and bullet-proof, because you never are.
123. If it’s too good to be true, then it definitely is.
124. Protect the weak.
125. Keep your secrets, because you will never betray yourself.
126. Betrayal is always worse on the betrayed.
127. Liars never tell the truth, but will tell half-truths
128. Two half-truths do not make a whole truth.
     
129. A father, who refuses to help his children, betrays his children.
130. Never forget how to dance.
131. Humor comes at when it is most in need.
132. If you are needed, be there.
133. A smile can cure a wounded heart.
134. A crooked smile makes people think.
135. Do not be crazy, be eccentric.
     
136. Know when you become the annoyance.
137. He, who runs away, runs from himself.
138. Never bring a knife to a gunfight.
139. You can drag a dead horse to water, but no matter how much you beat it, you can't make it drink.
140. False accusations should be reflected back upon your accuser, often they are true.
     
141. Respect is returned, when given freely.
142. Take care of yourself first.
143. Freedom is not free, it is paid in blood, sweat, and tears.
     
144. Pain is weakness leaving the body.
145. Destroy Order, if it serves no purpose.
146. Allow no child to suffer.
147. Don't ever brag about your sexploits, for noone really cares.
     
148. Never have a joint account with anybody.
149. Always get a receipt.
150. Never forget to give credit where credit is due.
151. Take credit, only when it is actually deserved.
152. Be modest, because it surprises people.
     
153. Seek Enlightenment.
154. Jealousy can take everything away from you.
155. Power is the one mind that thinks.
156. Never control inferiors, guide them.
157. Fame is fleeting, yet Infamy is a ball and chain.
158. Be the lesser of two evils.
159. Rumors are never wholly true.
     
160. Nothing kills a conversation quicker than an awkward silence.
161. Show passion in everything you do.
162. Change your path in life, when you are not happy.where you are at.
     
163. Ignorance is not an excuse, nor is it bliss.
164. Sex happens, but only if you don’t pursue it.
165. Sex is not love.
166. If you have to ask "Was that bad sex?," then it was.
167. Nothing more sadistically satisfying than angry sex.
     
168. Pipe dreams should stay in the pipe.
169. Where ever you go, there you are.
170. Kiss her in the morning.
     
171. The true scars are never physical.
172. A piece of art is just a shadow of the artist’s soul.
173. Expand your mind, until it is fully functional.
174. Beware the black widow spider, for she is only friendly until she gets what she wants.
175. Lust is the mother of all other sins.
176. Justice is Vengeance, but Vengeance is not Justice.
177. Race is a four letter word that means you are not me.
178. I am unique, just like everybody else.
179. Faith is one’s vision of the Supreme, Religion is the forcing that vision on others.
180. Blood will destroy Blood in a fit of greed.
181. Vegetarians are always bad hunters.
182. Recycle everything you can.
     
183. Never sue Family.
184. A shallow smile often hides deep thoughts.
185. If you walk a mile in another person's shoes, you only end up with sore feet.
     
186. Never think with the wrong head.
187. Even if she looks good, remember the one at home won't understand.
188. The lipstick on your collar better match hers.
189. If the significant other mistrusts you, it is not a relationship.
     
190. If at first you don’t succeed, try try try try try try try again.
191. One person can change the world.
192. "I love you" can be platonic.
193. If you think they are talking about you, they usually are.
194. If she rejects you, go find another.
195. It is alright to say no.
196. You are your own worst enemy.
197. You can annoy your family, and get away with it.  If you annoy your friends, you could end up alone.
     
198. A kiss should never feel like you kissed a dog.
     
199. Every woman should hear these three words: "Let it go"
     
200. What can go right will go right.
201. Being noble is not aristocratic.
202. Reality usually bites you is the butt.